Do you know how heavy it feels - to be the one one alive in front of your eyes?
Suddenly, surviving is so much heavier than dying. Because dying is what is expected. Dying is human. But surviving is what you call miracle. Surviving is supernatural. Like the strength to take each step, bearing the weight of those who don't make it.
Don't think that being the one alive proclaims healing was attained. Because living as if nothing happened; going back to my routine; bringing myself "back to normal" - this normalcy, this is just a deception I am willing to play so you can continue to tell yourselves: "Now, we can just go back living as we always did".
Don't think that being the one who died declares healing was halted. Because dying was the ultimate form of healing she could reach; a sign that all pain and loose ends are no longer; bringing herself to herself - this parting, this is just a deception she was willing to play so you can continue to tell yourselves: "healing is pointless without a cure".
So when you look at us, look at us as sisters who groped the air as our legs gave in, but never rejected the mountain underneath us, even though we knew it was calling us to sleep.
When you look at us, look at us as sisters who scavenged earth and sky for a cure, but went even further to heal who we were before we had a name.
When you look at us, look at us as sisters who bit our lips pulling any blood that was still in our veins, but found only sweetness invading our mouths even as life disbanded it.
Every second is so bittersweet, but not the last one.
~ For Lorraine Florence Nevers
05/08/60 ~ +06/05/17
HOW MY JOURNEY STARTED?
See how I became a cancer apprentice. Here is my story from the very beginning.